“The heart of her husband trusts in her. He shall have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.”
We talk about trust like it's a thing you either have or lost. Really it's something you build or spend, a little at a time, most days without noticing.
Proverbs describes a husband whose heart safely trusts his wife, and a wife who does him good all the days of her life. All the days. That's the mechanism right there. Trust is the accumulated weight of ordinary days where someone did what they said they'd do.
Most trust in a marriage isn't built in dramatic moments. It's built in small, boring reliability. You said you'd handle it and you handled it. You said you'd be home at six and you were home at six, or you called. You said you'd stop, and you stopped. Each of those is a small deposit, and after enough of them your spouse can relax around you.
It gets spent the same way. Small unkept promises. Repeatedly being told about a problem after everyone else knew. Little things minimized or hidden because they'd be inconvenient to explain. None of that is scandalous, and all of it makes a person a little less sure of you.
There's another side that gets less attention. Trust also has to be extended. Some of us are guarded because we've been burned, sometimes long before this marriage. If you keep half of yourself back permanently, your spouse is being punished for a debt they didn't run up. At some point, trusting is a risk you decide to take.
So ask yourself two questions today. Am I easy to trust? And am I willing to trust? A marriage needs both answers to be yes.
Talk About It Together
Be honest and stay calm. This one is more about the future than the past.
- What makes you feel safe with me?
- Is there anything I do that chips away at your trust, even in a small way?
- Where is it hardest for you to trust, and is any of that from before us?
- What is one promise I could keep consistently that would mean a lot?
- Is there anything you need to tell me that you've been putting off?
Tonight’s Challenge
Each of you make one specific promise for this week, something small and doable. Then keep it. Check in on Sunday about how it went.
Prayer
God, make us people who are easy to trust. Help us keep our small promises and tell the truth even when it's inconvenient. Where we've been hurt before, heal us so we're not making our spouse pay for someone else's damage. Build something steady between us, one day at a time. Amen.