“The man and his wife were both naked, and they were not ashamed.”
Before the fall, the picture we're given of marriage is two people completely exposed and completely unafraid. Nothing hidden, nothing to be ashamed of.
That verse is usually read as being about bodies, and it is. But it's about more than that. It's a picture of two people with nothing between them, seen all the way through and still safe.
Most of us find that harder than we admit. It's possible to share a bed, a mortgage, and twenty years with someone and still keep the deepest parts of yourself behind glass. We manage the version of us our spouse sees. We keep the fear quiet, the failure vague, the loneliness to ourselves. Usually not out of dishonesty. Out of self protection, or not wanting to be a burden, or a feeling that a grown adult shouldn't need this much.
But you can't be loved for something you keep hidden. If your spouse only ever sees the managed version, then whatever comfort you get from their love always has an asterisk on it. They love who they can see. And you'll always wonder about the rest.
Being known takes two things. One person willing to say the unpolished thing. And one person who responds in a way that makes it safe to say the next one. Both of you play both roles. If your spouse tells you something tender and you laugh, or repeat it later, or use it against them in an argument, the door closes and it may not open easily again.
Start smaller than you think. What are you actually worried about this month? What are you tired of? Say the real answer instead of "I'm fine." That's where closeness begins.
Talk About It Together
Answer as honestly as you can manage. Treat whatever you hear as something entrusted to you.
- What is something you've been carrying lately that you haven't told me?
- What is something you're afraid of right now?
- When do you feel closest to me?
- Is there a part of yourself you hold back? What would help you not to?
- What could I do to make it safer for you to tell me hard things?
Tonight’s Challenge
Each of you share one thing you've been keeping to yourself. Nothing has to be solved tonight. The other person's only job is to receive it well and say thank you.
Prayer
Father, You made us to be fully known and still loved. Take away the fear that keeps us hiding from each other. Make us safe people to tell the truth to. Help us open the parts of ourselves we've kept closed and meet each other there with tenderness. Amen.