“Let the husband give his wife the affection owed her, and likewise also the wife her husband.”
This is the part of marriage the church often skips and the world talks about constantly, usually badly. So let's be plain and gentle about it.
God made physical intimacy. It belongs inside marriage, and it's good. Paul writes about it in practical, matter of fact language: each spouse gives the other the affection they're owed. Notice the direction. Both verses are about giving. Not taking, and not withholding.
A few honest things.
Physical closeness in a marriage is connected to everything else. If you were dismissed at dinner, it's hard to feel close at bedtime. If one of you has been carrying the whole house alone all week, exhaustion is not rejection. Most struggles here are not really about the bedroom. They're about how the day went.
Seasons change. Newborns, illness, night shifts, grief, aging, stress. Every long marriage passes through seasons where this is easy and seasons where it isn't. A hard season is not a verdict on your marriage.
It has to be talked about, which is exactly what most couples avoid. It feels awkward, and the risk of hurting each other feels high. But silence here breeds assumption, and assumption breeds hurt. A short, kind, honest conversation is worth more than a year of guessing.
And affection isn't only about the bedroom. Holding hands. A hand on the back walking past. Sitting close on the couch instead of on opposite ends. Couples who keep touching in small, ordinary ways usually find everything else easier.
Whatever season you're in, be generous with each other. Be patient with each other. And talk about it kindly, tonight, instead of hoping the other one guesses right.
Talk About It Together
Be kind and unhurried here. Nobody should feel accused or graded.
- What makes you feel wanted by me?
- What season do you feel like we're in right now, and how's that for you?
- What non-physical things during the day help you feel close to me?
- Is there something you've wanted to say about this but haven't known how?
- How can we make it easier to talk about this without either of us feeling hurt?
Tonight’s Challenge
Be affectionate today in a way that isn't about anything else. Hold hands, sit close, hug for longer than usual. Then have the honest conversation you've been putting off, gently.
Prayer
Lord, thank You that You made closeness in marriage and called it good. Help us be generous, patient, and honest with each other. Take away shame and awkwardness where they don't belong. In every season, keep us reaching for each other with tenderness. Amen.