“Don't lay up treasures for yourselves on the earth, where moth and rust consume, and where thieves break through and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consume, and where thieves don't break through and steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Money is one of the most common things married couples fight about, and the fight is almost never really about money.
It's about fear. It's about control. It's about growing up in a house where there was never enough, or a house where nobody ever talked about it. Two people arrive at a marriage with two entirely different sets of instincts about spending, saving, and what a dollar means. Then they share one account and are surprised to find they're fighting.
Jesus says where your treasure is, your heart will be also. He isn't only warning against greed. He's telling us how people work. Money follows the heart, and the heart follows money. If you want to know what a couple actually values, look at the last three months of their spending. That's a more honest document than anything either of you would say out loud.
A few things help. Get the whole picture on the table, both of you, no matter who usually handles the bills. One spouse in the dark about the family's finances is a setup for resentment later, and it's not fair to the person carrying it alone either. Decide together what money is for in this house. Agree on an amount above which you talk before spending, whatever number fits your life.
And deal with the fear directly, because that's the real subject. One of you may need to hear a plan to feel safe. The other may need permission to enjoy something without guilt. Both of those are legitimate.
You don't have to have the same instincts about money. You do have to be on the same page and honest with each other about the numbers.
Talk About It Together
Set aside enough time for this one and stay out of blame. Talk about the future more than the past.
- What did money feel like in the house you grew up in?
- What worries you most about our finances right now?
- Do we both actually know where we stand? If not, when will we sit down and look?
- What is money for in our house? What are we trying to build?
- What amount should we talk about before either of us spends it?
Tonight’s Challenge
Sit down together and look at the real numbers for twenty minutes. No blame, no defending. Just both of you seeing the same picture, and agree on one next step.
Prayer
Lord, money makes us anxious and we take it out on each other. Give us open books and honest conversations. Free us from fear about what we don't have and from putting our hope in what we do have. Let our treasure be in the right place, and let our hearts follow it. Amen.