“One who walks with wise men grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”
Marriages don't exist in a vacuum. The people around you shape yours more than you probably realize.
Proverbs is blunt about it. Walk with the wise and you become wise. Keep company with fools and you get hurt. The people you spend time with set what feels normal, and normal is powerful. If everyone around you talks about their spouse with contempt, that starts to sound like just how people talk. If everyone around you is quietly working at their marriage, that becomes normal too.
So look honestly at your circle. Are there friendships that consistently leave you more discontented with your husband or wife than when you arrived? Is there someone who's always ready to take your side against your spouse and never once suggests you might be wrong? That's not loyalty. A real friend to your marriage will occasionally tell you to go home and apologize.
Boundaries are worth being specific about. What you share about your marriage matters. There's a difference between asking one trusted person for help and airing your spouse's failures to whoever's listening. Your spouse should never learn that a room full of people knows about their worst moment.
The other half of this is more encouraging. Find one or two couples further down the road than you and get near them. Watch how they talk to each other. Ask them questions. Most couples have no examples of a good marriage up close, which is a strange way to attempt something this difficult.
Be the kind of friends to other people's marriages that you'd want them to be to yours.
Talk About It Together
Be honest without tearing anyone down. This is about your marriage, not about other people's faults.
- Which friendships are good for us as a couple?
- Is there a friendship or relationship that's hard on our marriage?
- What do we share about each other outside this house? Is any of that out of bounds?
- Is there a couple we admire that we could spend more time around?
- Do either of us feel isolated right now?
Tonight’s Challenge
Reach out to one couple this week and invite them for coffee or dinner. Also agree on one thing that stays between the two of you.
Prayer
Lord, give us wise people around us. Show us any influence that's pulling our marriage apart and give us the courage to change it. Guard what we say about each other outside this house. Bring us friends who make our marriage stronger, and make us that kind of friend to others. Amen.